Old to New/Topic & Stress/Short to Long: Samples to Revise


Old to New/Topic & Stress/Short to Long
Identify/Generate the principle
Time: 20-30 minutes

After you've defined the principles of old to new, short to long, and topic & stress, ask students to revise some icky sentences.

Remind them of some of the basic principles of revision: topics should be short & simple & include familiar characters; important, new information should move to the end of the sentence (the stress position).

Share results as a class.

You can use the ones on the worksheet (good), sentences from readings (better), or examples from your students' own writing (best).
Scroll down for worksheet and answer key.
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Revise these troubled sentences so that they are easier to comprehend: make sure readers will be able to follow them, and will know what's important.
 
1. Introduction. The problem of two-phase solidification (melting problem is mathematically analogous to the solidification problem and it is sufficient to discuss here only the solidification problem) in which solidification initiates at a point on the surface of the mold has not been studied earlier.
 
2. Despite the difficulty here of explicitly solving the complete dynamic model (and to extract more explicit analytical results from the solution of the system), economists must often rely on some sort of simplifying dynamic assumptions.
 
3. And there is another reason historians of science have concentrated on Darwin rather than Mendel. Hundreds of letters, both personal and scientific, to scores of different recipients, including leading scientific figures, illuminate Darwin's genius. Only ten letters to the botanist Karl Nageli, and a handful to his mother, sister, brother-in-law, and nephew, represent Mendel.
 
4. Some amazing questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by astronomers as a result of the discovery of black holes. The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble creates a black hole. The fabric of space is changed in profound and astonishing ways as a consequence of so much matter compressed into so little volume.
 
5. The obligation of the Purchasers to repay the principal amount and interest in accordance with the terms of the Note will be guaranteed by Abco, and such guarantee shall be secured by a Security Agreement executed in favor of Defco. The Security Agreement will constitute a first charge on all of the assets and undertakings of Abco, and will be subordinated only to security granted by Abco in favor of the Bank in order to secure a maximum of $2 million of financing in the ordinary course of business and the obligation of Defco to complete the transaction will be subject to the Bank agreeing to such terms.
 
6. The immediate revision of the management information system, setting of goals and action plan development, implementation of improved production scheduling techniques, and installation of an operator training program are all called for as a part of the Harden Company's recovery strategy.
 
7. Details regarding the repair of tile drains that may be disturbed during the construction process are also included in the construction plans.
 
8. The U.S. Department of Energy estimates that if the economy continues to expand at its present rate and oil stands at $20 per barrel, by 1995 the U.S. will import about 60% of its oil needs. At the time of the 1973 Arab oil embargo, when oil cost less than $5 per barrel, the U.S. was importing just over 36% of its oil. If the nation's economy went into a tailspin in 1973, what havoc could an oil embargo wreak in 1995?
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Answer key

Complete answer key coming in the fall of 03, we swear!
 
6. For the Harden Company to recover, the company must revise the management information system, set goals and develop and action plan, implement scheduling techniques to improve production, and install a training program for operators.
 
7. During construction, the crew or machinery may damage some tiles. The construction plan includes details about repairing those tiles.